


Finally

by BucksomeBarnes (Freckled_Halos)



Series: the Assembled Avengers Initiative [16]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: !!!!!!!, Arguing, Boys Kissing, Dialogue Heavy, Established Relationship, F/M, Finger Sucking, Flashbacks, Fluff, Food, Happy Ending, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Men Crying, Relationship Discussions, Talking, just the tiniest bit, let steve rogers say fuck !!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 01:22:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17012874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freckled_Halos/pseuds/BucksomeBarnes
Summary: Tony and Pepper are newly engaged and it gets both Steve and Bucky thinking about marriage themselves, but they don't exactly see eye-to-eye...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. I (inadvertently) talk about food and them eating a lot in this, so if that's a trigger for you, maybe skip this one  
> 2\. Mature rating primarily for how many times i used the word 'fuck' LOL there's some kissing, but nothing explicit (sorry lol)

For someone as boisterous and lavish as Tony Stark, the following evening was pleasantly surprising.

It was their monthly “family dinner” night and had started as usual with a casual meeting in the common room before gathering at the table for dinner. It was a smaller one tonight—just Tony and Pepper, Steve and Bucky, Natasha, Thor, and T’Challa. Clint and Sam had volunteered for a last minute SHIELD call and were in the air, headed to Washington. After eating, they all moved to the lounge for coffee and drinks.

It was about half an hour later when Tony was suddenly down on one knee in front of Pepper, holding out an open ring box.

Thor was absolutely beside himself with excitement and Natasha and T’Challa said their genuine, but measured congratulations. Steve stared for a few dumbstruck seconds before turning to Bucky who was already looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

Tony and Pepper said their goodnights soon after, not-so-secretly hurrying off to their apartment (and bed) hand in hand. The rest of the group disbanded, going separate ways to their rooms until Steve and Bucky found themselves alone in the elevator.

Steve’s hands were clasped together and he looked at them with furrowed eyebrows. Bucky stood, arms wrapped around himself and avoiding eye contact. After unlocking their front door, Steve kicked his shoes off in the foyer, Bucky following suit, and they both wandered into the bedroom.

They didn’t say much to each other as they got ready for bed, brushing teeth and changing clothes. It wasn’t until Steve crawled under the covers next to him that Bucky finally asked, “Are we going to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Steve replied, propping pillows up behind his back and grabbing a book from his nightstand.

“Don’t do that,” Bucky sighed, rolling over to plug his phone in. “Don’t you try to bullshit _me_.”

Steve was silent for a few seconds before putting the book back on the table and sighing. “I know what you’re gonna say, Buck, and you know I don’t…”

“Don’t what?” Bucky prompted after Steve didn’t continue. 

“I don’t _know_.”

Bucky cleared his throat and ran his hands through his hair. “Which part?”

“What do you mean?”

“Which part do you not _know_ about?” 

Steve finally forced himself to look over and Bucky was staring at him with big eyes—open and honest, but ready to immediately pull back and wall-up if Steve said the wrong thing.

Bucky worked his jaw, trying to keep his voice even and calm. “Is it the idea itself or is it…me?”

Closing his eyes, Steve let out a heavy sigh. He dropped his head, running a hand down his face, and chose his words carefully.

“Bucky.” They looked hard at each other. “I love you. Sugar, I love you more than I’ve loved anything else in this world—”

“But?” Bucky interjected.

“ _And_ I don’t need a piece of paper to validate that,” Steve finished, sitting up and turning his body fully towards Bucky, taking ahold of his hands. “It shouldn’t matter.”

“Then why not do it?” Bucky asked, squeezing at Steve’s hands. “If it doesn’t matter, then why not…make it official?”

Steve let out another long breath. They had talked about marriage before, but most of those times were before the war, when it felt harmless because of the impossibility of it. The few times it had come up more recently were harder...and scarier.

“Why is this not enough?” Steve whispered, gently shaking their joined hands. “Why does the state have to have anything to do with it?”

“Because we _can_ , Steve,” Bucky said shakily.

“Just because you _can_ do something doesn’t mean you _should_.”

“Jesus,” Bucky muttered, giving him a disgusted look before pulling his hands out of Steve’s grasp. “That’s what you’re supposed say about stupid shit like seeing how many hot dogs you can eat at once or after your buddy purposefully picks a fight with guys bigger than him just because he feels like it.”

Steve pursed his lips.

“Steve, you are enough for me. More than enough. You are everything I could ever want and more than I deserve and regardless of your position on this, I will stay with you for as long as you will have me. But if we’ve already committed the rest of our lives to each other, why not do it?”

“But why not _not_ do it, either?” Steve replied, stubborn. “And besides, I don’t know if we could. Buck, I don’t even know what your legal status is. We’ve both been declared dead for decades, neither of us actually have any current IDs except Avengers ones—”

“We can figure it out,” Bucky said quietly, putting his hands gently on Steve’s crossed legs. “That’s all just superficial stuff, hoops to jump through. That’s fine.”

Looking painfully into Bucky’s eyes, Steve wasn’t convinced. “We have such a good thing going now, the last thing I want is for that to change.”

“Then don’t change,” Bucky said, shaking his head incredulously. “Steve, if signing a piece of paper and putting a ring on changes the way you feel about me, then there’re bigger problems we need to be addressing.”

Steve was slightly taken aback. “Nothing could ever change the way I feel about you,” he whispered. “Every time I’ve said I’m with you ‘til the end of the line, I’ve meant it.”

“Then let’s get _married_ , Steve.” Bucky was looking at him with the most vulnerable expression Steve had seen in decades. Steve knew how much Bucky loved him, but his post-Winter Soldier brain often prevented Bucky from getting too deep or emotionally exposed. To see him now, eyes glassy and determined, trying to convince Steve to _marry_ him was overwhelming to say the least and Steve felt like they were suddenly twenty years old again.

“Steve, I’ve spent the last sixty years or so under somebody else’s control. I wasn’t able to just fucking _think_ for myself that entire time, let alone make any kind of decisions on my own. And now that I can…? I feel like I’ve finally gotten my life back—whatever tiny, shit scrap is left of it—and I want to spend it how _I_ want to spend it. And that’s with you.”

“Buck…”

Steve didn’t know what else to say. Of course he wanted to be with Bucky for the rest of their lives. Of course he never pictured himself with anyone else. But this was a huge deal. This was big and important and terrifying. Steve didn’t understand the need to make anything between them legal, not after all the bullshit they had to go through in the ‘30s, hiding their relationship and lying to everyone around them. The fighter in Steve told him to fuck the institution of marriage. Fuck it because the only thing it had done for them was point out just how different and wrong they had been to love each other. Their relationship was purer than that and Steve didn’t want to taint and ruin it with a silly label they didn’t need.

Steve put his hands on Bucky’s upper arms, gently rubbing his thumbs along metal and skin. “You know what I think of when someone talks about marriage?”

“What?” Bucky asked, stony.

“How fucking unfair it was. And I know you felt the same way when we were young. Buck, why should we buy into the same bullshit that haunted us for almost a decade? We’re better than that, sugar. We don’t need some damn license to be together. We don’t need to explain or defend ourselves to anyone. We can just be together, for us.”

Bucky put his head in his hands, taking long, focused breaths. When he looked back up to Steve, his eyes were wet.

“But wouldn’t it be the biggest ‘fuck you’ to all that? Wouldn’t us getting married be the best way to make up for all the bullshit we had to suffer through as kids?”

Steve moved his hands to either side of Bucky’s face, gently running his thumbs across Bucky's scruffy cheeks.

“I’m tired,” Bucky croaked. “And I want to go to sleep, so I’ll just say this: Steve, imagine looking at us in ’35 or ’39 or ’43. Imagine looking at those dumb kids in love, who wanted nothing but to just be together, and telling them no. Think about telling our younger selves that while it’s legal and way more accepted now, you still don’t want to get married, and think about how you’d feel.”

Steve opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Bucky scoffed, pushing Steve’s hands off of his face and rubbing at his eyes. Wordless, he laid down and turned away from Steve before switching off his light and pulling the covers to his trembling chin.

\--

The morning was dreary, cold white light streaming in through the blinds on the window.

Steve let out a yawn and rolled over to find Bucky already gone from bed, his side of the covers neatly pulled up to the headboard and warmth gone from the pillows. Running a tired hand down his face, Steve settled onto his back and sighed.

Finally easing out of bed, Steve padded into the bathroom in his sweatpants to brush his teeth, staring at himself in the mirror.

He looked like shit.

Normally, a few hours of sleep was all Steve needed to feel fresh and renewed, but the conversation with Bucky last night sent him into a fitful rest. After patting cool water on his face and neck, Steve grabbed a hoodie out of the closet and slipped into it. Sitting back down on the bed, he pulled some socks on, clasped his watch, and checked his phone. He had a ridiculous number of unread emails to check, but didn’t have the energy for any of them, instead just locking his phone and dropping it into his pocket.

Walking down the hall, Steve found that Bucky wasn’t anywhere else in the apartment either.

He poured himself a bowl of cereal and ate in silence, lost in thought. Maybe Bucky was right. They had already committed to each other, what would signing anything change? But Steve could use that same point to argue his side too—if it wasn’t going to change their relationship at all, why do it? And if he was being completely honest, Steve wasn’t sure that it wouldn’t change anything between them.

‘Marriage’ comes with a lot of implications. Implications that Steve didn’t want butting in between what he and Bucky had worked so hard to maintain. What if people looked at them differently? What if the pressure of needing to be a good husband got to them both? Putting a name and a label to something that didn’t need it just felt unnecessary. Why did they have to define anything for anyone else? Couldn’t they just _be_?

After cleaning his dish, Steve stepped into his sneakers and left the apartment.

When he was broody, Bucky usually spent the day training, taking out his frustrations on dummies and fighting bots. When Steve got down to the fourth floor, he walked the length of the cool hallway, footsteps echoing through the empty corridor. There were three large windows from the hall into the training room and Steve heard Bucky before he could see him.

He was in basketball shorts and a dark tank top, hair pulled back into a messy bun, as he violently punched and kicked at one of the heavy duty punching bags. Steve watched for a few moments, noting Bucky’s glistening skin, the swell of his muscles, and the grunts he let out with each swing. Letting out a long breath, Steve opened the door, slipping inside and leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

Steve knew Bucky knew he was there, so he waited. Waited until Bucky swung hard with his left arm, letting out a shout as the heavy bag swung far, its reinforced chain squealing. After a few seconds, Bucky turned to Steve, breathing heavy.

“Morning,” Steve murmured, trying to smile.

Bucky rolled his eyes, walking to the cubbies next to Steve to grab his water bottle and take a big swig out of it.

“Buck, don’t,” Steve sighed, uncrossing his arms and taking a step forward. “I’m sorry I upset you last night. I didn’t mean to.”

“I know,” Bucky grumbled, pushing lose strands of hair off his sweaty face. “I just…” He looked at Steve, head cocked and eyes tired. “I’m trying to understand where you’re coming from and I just can’t.”

Steve let out a breath and put his hands on his hips. “How can I explain it better?”

Bucky thought for a moment before asking sadly, “What’s the hesitation?”

Steve let out a long sigh, defeated. “What if it changes things?” Avoiding Bucky’s eyes, Steve added, “’Husband’ comes with a lot of…implications.”

Bucky took a step closer to place his palm against Steve’s face. “Like what?”

“Like showing the world that you’re a provider and protector for your partner and taking on different responsibilities, making a new kind of life together...”

Bucky stared, dropping his hand. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Steve recoiled. “What do you mean ‘what the fuck am I talking about?’ I’m talking about _marriage_.”

“No,” Bucky began, almost smiling. “You’re talking about what you think is expected of you with the title of ‘husband.’”

“What’s the difference?”

“The difference is you and me,” Bucky replied, lightly taking Steve’s hands in his. “Steve…being married is whatever we want it to be. This isn’t the forties anymore, doll. I’m not going to suddenly become your housewife that needs taking care of.”

“I never said—”

“You’re saying it right now,” Bucky gently interrupted. “What you’re saying is that because we don’t fit the traditional mold of your idea of what a married couple is, it won’t work.”

Steve worked his jaw, unable to respond.

“Sweetheart,” Bucky sighed sadly, pulling Steve close and wrapping his arms around his waist. “I want to do this for us. I want to get married because I want to be married to you. I don’t care if anyone else knows or not. I don’t care about showing other people how we feel about each other. Steve—” Bucky closed his eyes, pressing his lips together. When he opened them again, his eyes were glassy. “I’ve wanted to be your husband since 1934 and I never thought, in my entire life, that we would ever actually be able to do that. But we _can_.”

Steve’s chin trembled and he looked at the wall for a few long moments, collecting his scrambled thoughts.

“I just need more time to think about it.”

Bucky pursed his lips. “The past seventy years haven’t been enough for you?”

“Buck—”

Pulling away, Bucky crossed his arms and looked tiredly at Steve. “It’s fine,” he lied. “Just let me know when you figure it out. I’m not going anywhere.”

Steve watched as Bucky turned, picking up his towel and water bottle before swerving around him, out the door, and down the hall.


	2. Chapter 2

Even though the air was not at all cleared between them, neither Steve nor Bucky brought up the subject again in the following months.

Steve still wasn’t sure how he felt about it, except guilty for not being fully able to give Bucky what he wanted. Bucky had said all he wanted to say about it and figured it wouldn’t help anything to keep bringing it up, so he didn’t. Avengers duties carried on as usual and eventually, it just got buried underneath more pressing matters. It wasn’t until a late weeknight in the lounge that they were both very much reminded.

“Alright team,” Tony started, twisting open a bottle of sparkling water and settling heavily down into an arm chair. “Mark your calendars—Pepper’s finally picked out a date for the wedding.”

Thor, Natasha, Clint, and Sam all excitedly replied at once as Steve and Bucky sat quietly next to each other on the couch opposite Tony.

It was going to be a summer wedding, Tony informed them. They would have the ceremony at the facility, outside and backed by the thick tree line, cocktail hour inside, then a rousing (and very late) reception on the yard with a ridiculous amount of food and live music. As Tony continued explaining what they had planned so far, Steve glanced at Bucky and immediately knew they were either going to discuss it again that night or go to bed with an even bigger elephant sleeping between them. Steve sighed, sipping his whiskey, and tried not to think too much about it.

After everybody said their goodnights and parted ways, Steve eventually found himself in his and Bucky’s suite, stalling and wringing his hands together.

“So…” Steve trailed off a few minutes later, leaning in the bathroom doorway and crossing his arms.

“Sew buttons on your lips,” Bucky immediately murmured, not bothering to look up from where he was reading in bed.

Steve let out a long breath and wandered over to his side, flopping down onto his back. Looking over at Bucky out of the side of his eyes, Steve said, “How ‘bout Tony and Pepper, huh? Picking a date.”

“Mm-hm,” Bucky replied, scratching lightly at his nose.

Pursing his lips, Steve rolled over to face Bucky, tucking his hands up between his cheek and pillow. “What do you think about that?”

Bucky let out a sigh before finally looking down at Steve. “What d’you want me to say, Steve?”

“Whatever you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking that you’re trying to pussyfoot around whatever it is you’re actually trying to talk about.” Steve frowned, but before he could respond, Bucky continued. “You know how I feel, Steve. I’ve said everything I want to say and I don’t think rehashing this has any purpose unless you’ve changed your mind about anything.”

Bucky stared intently down at Steve who was beginning to flush slightly from both being caught and getting irritated.

“You know I love you, right? More than anything?” Steve said quietly.

Bucky rolled his eyes the tiniest amount, replying flatly, “Yeah, I know,” before turning back to his book.

“Jesus Christ, Buck!” Steve snapped loudly, pressing the heels of his palms to his closed eyelids. When he opened his eyes, Bucky was looking down at him, startled. “What is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with _you?_ ” Bucky replied hotly, practically throwing his book back onto his nightstand.

Steve rolled onto his back, fingers pressed to his temples as he stared at the ceiling. “You can be real goddamn selfish sometimes, you know that?”

“ _Me?_ ” Bucky said, high pitched and eyebrows raised. “Why, because I just want to marry you? Even when you act like a total dick?”

Steve dropped his arms and glared at Bucky from the sides of his eyes. “Don’t fucking make me out to be the bad guy with this. Don’t fucking do that. And stop _fucking_ making me feel guilty about it.”

He stared at Steve, taken aback. Bucky was angry, but hearing Steve get so heated almost made him afraid of what else he was going to say if Bucky continued sassing back.

“How am I making you feel guilty?” Bucky said, forcefully calm. “I told you, whether it happens or not, I’m committed to you. Forever. I’m not giving you a goddamn ultimatum, Steve.”

“Yes you are,” Steve shot back. “Maybe not in so many words, but I know you, Bucky. I know that you like to convince yourself that you always know what’s best for us, but that’s not fucking fair. We’re a team, remember? We’re supposed to make decisions about _us_ together. You don’t get to choose what _you_ want then get mad at me when I don’t feel the same way.”

“Why don’t you want this?” Bucky yelled back, upset. “ _Why_ don’t you feel the same way, Steve? I don’t get it. I don’t understand why you say you love me and want to be with me for the rest of our lives, but won’t do anything about it.”

Steve finally sat up, crossing his arms and turning to look angrily at Bucky. “I won’t do anything about it? Because living together, working together, committing to you and this relationship, trying to build a future together _isn’t doing anything about it_?”

“You know what I mean,” Bucky sighed.

“I really don’t.” Steve started to feel his chest tighten and tried to hold back frustrated tears. "You keep saying that I’m enough for you, just as I am, then you turn around and get pissed at me for not wanting to sign a stupid marriage license. Make up your fucking mind, Bucky. Is this enough for you or not?” But before Bucky could reply, Steve quietly added, “Because if it’s not…”

“What?” Bucky replied shakily, trying to quell the sudden fear and panic that bubbled up in his stomach. “You’ll _break up with me_?”

“I don’t know,” Steve blurted out and regretted it the instant he saw the horrible look on Bucky’s face.

“That’s not what I—” Steve started, closing his eyes and dropping his head into his hands. After a long pause, he murmured, “If I can’t give you what you need, wouldn’t you want to find someone who can?”

“ _You_ are what I need!” Bucky cried, eyes wet. “Jesus fucking hell, Steve. Sometimes you can be so fucking _dense_. Do you honestly think I’d leave you for _anything_? Do you really believe that?”

Steve neither looked up nor replied, just buried his fingers into his hair as Bucky continued. “I _told_ you that regardless of what you decide, I’ll stay with you for as long as you’ll have me.” He let out a trembling breath before adding, “If you even want me still.”

“You know I do,” Steve grumbled as he finally turned his head to look up at Bucky with tears in his eyes.

“Do I?” Bucky replied, heartbroken and quiet.

Steve chose his words carefully, wanting to stop the argument, but also unwilling to yield his position. “Buck, just because I don’t define it like you do doesn’t mean I don’t want this. But I don’t want you to be resentful about it for the rest of our lives either.”  

Bucky let out a long sigh, deflated. “I love you, Steve. Despite everything, I love you—I always have and always will. _You_ are all I could ever want or need and I’ll say it over and over again for as long as I need to. I’m sorry that I’ve been making you feel otherwise, I’m just…disappointed.”

Steve grimaced in response, feeling painfully guilty all over again. _Disappointed_. That was ten times worse than making Bucky upset or angry.

Slowly meeting Bucky’s gaze, Steve gave him a pained expression. “The last thing I want is to disappoint you,” he said quietly.

Bucky looked away, running the back of his flesh hand under his nose. “Just give me some time to accept that it’s not gonna happen, okay?”

Steve couldn’t help but feel at fault and unsettled. Bucky was yielding something he had held onto for so many years in order to stay together and if that didn’t show Steve just how much Bucky was truly committed, not much else would.

He didn’t know how to respond. Bucky eventually let out a breath and murmured a small ‘I’m going to sleep’ before turning his light off and settling onto his side, facing the wall and ignoring Steve’s guilt-ridden ‘goodnight, sugar.’


	3. Chapter 3

On a cold, late weeknight, Steve wandered down to Tony’s basement workshop. He heard the metallic, tinkering and buzzing sounds of the Iron Man suit being repaired and improved echoing down the hall. Steve stepped up to the open door and knocked on the steel frame.  

Tony looked up from the table covered with metal plates and tiny circuit boards. “Hey,” he started, pushing back in his stool. “What’s up?”

“Can I talk to you for a second?” Steve asked, crossing his arms and leaning in the doorway.

“Sure,” Tony replied, studying Steve with a cautious expression.

Steve took a big breath in and let it out slowly before saying, “Why are you and Pepper getting married?”

Tony made a surprised face. “What?”

Looking to the ceiling, Steve tried to not feel like a complete dumbass as he continued, “Why do you want to marry her?”

“Because I love her?” Tony offered, also crossing his arms. “Is this you objecting to our union now so you don’t have to wait until the ceremony? Because that’d have a better affect and you do tend to have a flair for the dramatic.”

Steve forced himself to not roll his eyes. “I meant it objectively.”

Tony looked hard at him for a long time, biting his bottom lip in thought and tapping fingers against his arms. “She’s my best friend,” he started. “She makes me better. She make me _me_. I want to be with her for the rest of my life and I gotta lock that shit up before she comes to her senses.” 

Steve pulled a small smile as Tony laughed lightheartedly.

“I want to be her husband,” Tony said, shrugging. “That would be the most incredible thing I’ve ever accomplished.”

Steve automatically glanced around to all the projects sitting in the workshop, thinking about every groundbreaking technological advance Tony’s been directly responsible for in the past fifteen years. 

“Did you feel pressured at all to propose?”

“Oh, sure,” Tony laughed again. “You know how women are…” He trailed off and cleared his throat, realizing embarrassingly who he just said that to. “I mean, I never felt like if I didn’t propose, she’d leave me, but of course there was some pressure. But then I thought, why not? Life’s short—for most of us—and I just realized that there wasn’t actually anything holding me back. Not only that, but, _guess what_ , I also realized that I wanted to marry her too. If you had asked me at twenty years old if I’d ever see myself getting married, I’d laugh in your face. But then I met Pepper and it just…felt right.” Tony let out a long breath and shrugged. “Big picture, I want to grow old with her. I want to create something we can be proud of and pass on if we have any kids. Small picture, I just want to wake up to her every morning and be lucky enough to call her my wife.”

Steve furrowed his eyebrows and frowned, nodding slowly.

“I didn’t ask her to marry me because I felt like I should, if that’s what you’re asking,” Tony said quietly. “We just want to be together. For as long as we both shall live.”

When Steve looked up, Tony was smirking playfully, but had a more serious look in his eyes. “Anything else you want to ask?”

Taking a deep breath, Steve smiled. “Yeah, you know, our toilet’s been running. Was wondering if you’d have time to come take a look at it.”

Tony suppressed a smile, quipping, “Sure, bud, I’ll be up in a bit. Just tell your wannabe-fiancé to be dressed when I get there.”

Steve’s face immediately turned red.

Tony let out a hearty laugh, sighing, “God, Steve, you are terrible at hiding things, you know that?”

“You know, back in my day, that would be considered a compliment,” Steve shot back, cheeks and ears hot.

“And back in your day, a gay wedding would be considered an outrage,” Tony said and Steve’s lips pressed tightly together. “But we’re not in your day anymore, are we?”

Steve worked his jaw, not knowing what to say.

“I get how you feel, Steve, I do,” Tony continued. “You want to make him happy, but it’s a big deal. He wouldn’t want you to propose anyway if you weren’t 100% sure you wanted to be with him—”

“Of course I’m sure I want to be with him,” Steve immediately replied, defensive.

Tony put his hands up, “Woah, hey, didn’t say you weren’t. I’m just saying that that’s how it might come off to him. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but put yourself in his mind for a second. Steve, you’re an empathetic guy, but sometimes you can get so stubbornly wrapped up in what you think is true, you stop seeing anything else.”

Steve brought a hand to his forehead, painfully reminded of just how much that sounded like something Steve himself had said to Bucky not that long ago.

“But why do _I_ have to be the wrong one?” Steve asked, putting his arms out. “Why do _I_ have to concede?”

“What are you conceding to?” Tony asked, “This guy you’ve been hopelessly in love with since the fucking thirties? How would marrying him be giving up anything?”

It was a good point and Steve hadn’t thought about it in those words before. What would he be surrendering by marrying Bucky? What would he lose? Some pride from admitting he didn’t really have a good reason to fight it as much as he did? Wouldn’t he actually gain everything they had ever wanted together?

Looking at the tense expression on Steve’s face, Tony forced out a gentler tone as he said, “Listen. You’re gonna do what you’re gonna do and God knows I am not even close to the best person to ask for relationship advice, but, man, why not? Why are you fighting it so hard? You found someone who can actually put up with your stubborn, self-righteous ass, tie that shit down before you lose it.”

Steve couldn’t really feel mad about that, even though he wanted to be. Tony was right. Unfortunately.

“Thanks for the honesty,” Steve murmured.

“My pleasure. You need to hear any more hard truths? Like the fact that everyone makes fun of how often you wear khakis?”

“Alright—”

“Or that you are literally the only person on earth who still uses the word ‘moxie—’”

“ _Alright_ ,” Steve interrupted, trying not to smile. After a long pause he added, “Thanks, Tony.”

“Sure,” he grinned. “Let me know if you want someone to go ring shopping with.” Steve rolled his eyes playfully and turned to leave.

“Oh and don’t you dare plan for next summer,” Tony called as Steve walked down the hall. “Don’t you steal our thunder like that, Golden Boy!”

Steve made his way back up to the apartment, lost in thought. He slipped inside and headed straight to the cracked open bedroom door. The room was dark, but Steve could make out the heavy lines of Bucky’s body under the sheets, rising and falling steadily. Steve got ready for bed as quiet as he could before easing gently under the covers. He stared unseeing at the ceiling, trying to convince himself that he still had a valid point. Just because Bucky wanted something doesn’t mean it was right for both of them. And just because something worked for Tony and Pepper doesn’t mean it applied to them either.

But didn’t Steve want this too? They had talked about it multiple times before the war, but one particular memory suddenly floated into his mind. Steve couldn’t remember what year it was or exactly where they were except in one of their beds in Brooklyn, wrapped up tightly together in winter pajamas.

 

 _“Sorry I’m sick,”_ Steve had said, stuffy and chest rumbly.

 _“It’s okay. You can make it up to me next weekend,”_ Bucky replied with a smirk.

That had made Steve laugh, sending him into a coughing fit. Bucky quickly grabbed the glass of water on the nightstand and passed it over, lightly running the back of his fingers along Steve’s temple as he drank.

 _“Thanks, Buck.”_ Steve grinned, handing the glass back. _“What would I do without you?”_

 _“You will never have to worry about that, alright?”_ Bucky had said, his tone turning serious.

_“It’s just a saying, Bucky.”_

_“I know, but honestly, Steve. You know…”_ His face flushed pink and Bucky was glad it was dark in the room. _“You know I’d get down on one knee in front o’ you the second I could.”_

 _“I know,”_ Steve had replied, also blushing. _“And you know I’d say yes the second you did.”_

 _“And I’d be the luckiest guy in the whole world,”_ Bucky said, wrapping his arms around Steve’s small shoulders. _“Imagine it. Getting to wake up to each other like this every day, walking around town holding hands with rings on ‘em like everyone else.”_

_“Goin’ out together and showing those rings off. Showin’ everybody how much we love each other.”_

_“Makin’ everybody jealous…I’d kiss you in front of so many people, just to prove how much you’re mine.”_

Steve had hummed in response, feverish mind hazy and full of lust. He took hold of Bucky’s chin and pulled his face close. _“I’ll always be yours, sugar. ‘Til the end of the line and for all the time after that.”_

 

Bucky suddenly rolled over in bed, pulling Steve out of the memory and back to their suite in the Avengers compound. A lot had changed since before the war, but why was part of that Steve’s feelings towards Bucky? That’s not even quite true, Steve felt just as much in love with him now, if not more than he was then, so what happened? What had spoiled and embittered Steve so much that he had actually _argued_ against Bucky just wanting to marry him? Was that just growing up?

It suddenly made Steve very sad, and a little angry, realizing that some wonderfully loving and passionate part of himself had been lost or taken away from him since then. The hot sting of tears started to prick up in Steve’s eyes and he made a frustrated face at himself. The war, HYDRA, the decades in ice…it had all stolen so much from both Steve and Bucky. So much _good_ and hope and promise.

The more he thought about it, the more it pissed him off. How fucked up and unfair was that? And all of a sudden, that familiar stubborn and defiant fire lit up in Steve’s chest. He wanted this. He wanted to fight for his and Bucky’s future together and to make it look exactly how _they_ wanted it to look.

Bucky was right. Now, when Steve thought about looking at his younger self and telling him, ‘No, you can’t get married’ just like everyone else around him had, it made his stomach roll with guilt. He wanted to be the person he needed as a teenager. He wanted his young self to look at him now and say, ‘Finally. Thank you for making us happier than we ever thought possible.’

Steve rolled onto his left side, looking through the darkness to Bucky’s relaxed face a few inches from his own. God, he loved him. Steve loved Bucky so much it hurt. And just like that, Steve couldn’t bear the thought of _not_ being lucky enough to call James Buchanan Barnes his husband for one second longer.


	4. Chapter 4

As the weeks passed, Bucky noticed Steve staring at him more often than normal. It’d be during mundane things like making lunch or folding laundry when Bucky would feel Steve’s eyes on him. He’d turn and every time Steve would be smiling softly at him, eyes kind, or sometimes fiery with desire.

Bucky was still upset. He was impossibly disappointed and hurt and still didn’t understand exactly why Steve was so vehemently against getting married. Bucky could respect the fighter in Steve who didn’t want to give in to something that had been such a cause of strife for them growing up, but Bucky viewed it as a chance to be vindicated. To be able to look back and say, ‘Fuck all of you, look at us, legally married and holding hands and kissing in public and what the hell are you going to do about it?’

On a snowy weekend evening, Bucky was dozing on the dark leather couch in their living room when Steve came blundering in, grocery bags strung along both arms, and holding two hot beverage cups.

“Got you some coffee,” he said, setting all the bags onto the kitchen island at once.

“Thanks,” Bucky murmured, pushing himself up and stepping towards Steve’s outstretched hand.

“I got stuff to make a lasagne tonight,” Steve said as he walked around the island. He rummaged through some bags, stacking his arms full of yogurts and cartons of milk before opening the refrigerator to unload it all. “And I thought we could watch a movie. Whatever you want.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, sipping the steaming black coffee with a look of suspicion.

Steve turned back around to grab more food and did a double take at Bucky’s expression. “What?”

“What’d you do?”

“What?” Steve repeated.

“Coffee, my favorite dinner, whatever movie I want…what’d you fuck up?”

“Nothing,” Steve replied, slightly defensive. “Can’t I just treat my best guy to a nice night?”

Bucky continued to stare, eyebrows pulled together as Steve turned away. “When’s the last time you called me that?” He asked quietly.

“Hm?”

“Steve stop putting groceries away for five seconds and look at me.”

Twisting around to face Bucky, Steve replied, irritated. “Why are you mad?”

“What are you buttering me up for?”

“Nothing,” Steve repeated, higher pitched and frustrated. “Jesus…” He muttered something to himself before turning his attention back to the bags, unloading the last of them.

Bucky felt a little bad, but what else was he supposed to think? “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, tapping the bottom of his cup lightly on the counter. “I’m sorry, that sounds like a really good night.”

“I just want to do something nice for you,” Steve said, rounding the island to wrap his arms around Bucky’s hips. “Do I need a reason?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes again, but didn’t argue. Steve leaned in, giving Bucky a long, warm peck on the lips.

“I love you,” Steve whispered, pressing his lips against Bucky’s temple.

Embracing Steve back and nestling his face into the side of his neck, Bucky replied, “I love you too.”

\--

And it did turn out to be a very nice night.

They made the lasagne (and a mess), threw together a salad, and toasted up some garlic bread. A cheap bottle of red wine was opened and they eased down onto the couch, setting Steve’s laptop up on the coffee table. The first time he had been in Steve’s furnished apartment, Tony was appalled at its simplicity. Steve had put the stereo in his room, just as comforted by low background music as an adult as he was as a kid, but that was the biggest piece of entertainment technology they had and genuinely all they wanted. Plus, both Steve and Bucky had their own phones and laptops which seemed more than enough electronics for either of them.

Bucky chose Gladiator and they ate for the first few minutes of the movie, talking at the screen and quoting along through the rest. As always, Bucky got slightly misty-eyed at the end and, as always, Steve pretended he didn’t see as he stood to clean their dishes. Steve was at the sink, handwashing their plates more out of habit than necessity while Bucky closed the tall drapes in the dining area, pausing to gaze out into the dark stillness of the cold night.

He shuffled to Steve, wrapping his hands around his waist and leaning his forehead between Steve’s broad shoulder blades. Steve shook his hands dry and slowly turned around, folding his arms around Bucky’s neck and pulling him close. Bucky let out a heavy sigh and slid his hands into the waistband of Steve’s pants, gently kneading at his ass.

Smiling to himself, Steve leaned back and put his hands on either side of Bucky’s face, looking at him with a wide and loving expression.

“You wanna go fool around for a bit?” He asked, running a damp thumb across Bucky’s lips.

“Yeah,” he replied, grinning.

Steve pulled away, taking one of Bucky’s hands in his and leading him around the hall, into their bedroom. They turned the music on low and crawled onto the bed, Bucky hovering over Steve laid out on the covers. He sat up, straddling Steve’s hips, to pull his hair into a bun, before diving down, kissing Steve with loving intent. Steve let out a small sigh, draping his arms across Bucky’s back.

They kissed slowly, starting with gentle pecks before moving on to wet, open mouthed kisses, lips sliding and nipping. Bucky grinded his hips down rhythmically, lightly thrusting against Steve’s body, coaxing pleasured moans out of his pink mouth. Steve pawed at the soft cotton of Bucky’s shirt, pulling at it until Bucky sat up to whip it off and throw it towards the closet.  He went to bend over again, but Steve stopped him, palms braced against Bucky’s pecs.

Steve’s eyes roamed lovingly over Bucky’s torso, spreading his fingers and massaging his chest.

“Remember when you didn’t have any chest hair?” He asked playfully, eyes glinting at Bucky’s.

“Remember how you still can’t grow any?”

Steve laughed lightly, sliding his hands down to either side of Bucky’s bellybutton. Bucky’s body was strong and thick, but his stomach was still pleasantly soft and Steve squeezed, causing Bucky to let out a peep and squirm around.

“Don’t you dare tickle me,” Bucky replied, pointing a flesh finger down towards Steve’s face. “I will kick your ass, don’t think I won’t.”

Steve gripped tightly at Bucky’s hand, pulling it further down and taking Bucky’s finger completely into his mouth. Bucky swallowed hard as Steve’s eyes burned into his, lips sliding painfully slow around Bucky’s forefinger. Letting out a shaky breath, Bucky slipped his metal hand under the hem of Steve’s shirt. Steve let go of Bucky’s wrist, sitting up slightly to pull his t-shirt off. He tossed it onto the floor as Bucky trailed his cold fingers along the lines of Steve’s abs.

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” Bucky whispered, moving both of his hands up to Steve’s face. “Always have been.”

Steve pulled a small smile. “And you’re a real sweet-talker, you know _that_?”

“Heard it’s one of my best qualities,” Bucky smirked.

“The one that gets you into the most trouble, maybe.”

“ _You_ get me into the most trouble,” Bucky laughed, tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear.

Steve looked up at Bucky, a soft smile still on his lips. Something changed in his eyes and he suddenly said, “Come on,” patting one of Bucky’s thighs. “Let’s go get a snack.”

Bucky eased off Steve’s hips and slid off the bed. Steve stood next to him, gently patting at his jean pockets before gesturing his head towards the bedroom door. They both wandered out and down the hall, turning right into the kitchen. Bucky lightly jumped up to sit on one of the counters as Steve reached into a cabinet and pulled out a big jar of Nutella, getting two spoons out of the drawer next to Bucky’s legs. Steve handed one to Bucky and unscrewed the cap. They clinked their spoons together before diving in, each taking a generous scoop.

“You have a good evening?” Steve asked, eyeing Bucky from underneath his eyelashes and sucking on his spoon.

“Yeah,” Bucky replied genuinely. “It was really nice. Sorry I immediately assumed the worst.”

Steve quirked an eyebrow. “It’s okay. Just goes to show that I need to do stuff like this for you more often.”

Bucky looked hard at Steve who was dunking his spoon into the jar again, mouth soft and relaxed, but there was something about the tension in his forehead that told Bucky there was something he wasn’t saying.

Setting his spoon on the counter, Bucky said, “Steve?”

“Hm?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I just want to say that I’m okay with never getting married.”

Bucky saw Steve’s shoulders stiffen as he glanced up to meet Bucky’s eyes, sticking his spoon into the jar and setting them both on the counter. “You…don’t want to anymore?”

“No, I do,” Bucky started, sliding lithely off the countertop to stand in front of Steve. “I just mean…I know you love me, Steve. You’ve done so much for me and for us and I’m sorry that I acted like that isn’t significant, because it is. If it’s not something you want…” Bucky trailed off, shrugging. “I would never want to strong-arm or guilt you into doing something you didn’t want to do. Especially something as big as this. Being with you is what I want most of all, so as long as you can promise me that, we don’t have to get married.”

“You sure about that?” Steve asked, an odd glint in his eye.

“I’m sure,” Bucky sighed, truly meaning it this time.

“Well…” Steve began, reaching into one of his pockets and pulling out a small black ring box. “Guess I’ll just have to return this then.” He flipped it open, revealing a simple gold band perched inside.

Bucky stared at it like it was the strangest thing he’s ever seen before meeting Steve’s eyes and stuttering out a confused “What?”  

“I know it’s taken me too long to get here and I’m sorry I ever fought you about it,” Steve took a step back and eased down onto one knee, wearing only a pair of worn jeans, looking up at Bucky standing stunned and shirtless in their kitchen. “James Barnes, would you please let me be your husband?”

Covering his mouth with his right hand, Bucky looked back to the box, eyes welling up. “Holy shit.”

“Is that a yes?” Steve chuckled.

“Of course it is,” Bucky said, finally meeting Steve’s intense stare. He pulled at Steve’s arms until he stood up and Bucky placed his hands on either side of Steve’s face. “Of course it is,” he repeated, quiet, a few small tears rolling down his cheeks.

Steve let out a massive breath as Bucky leaned forward to pepper excited kisses all over his face. Bucky hovered his lips over Steve’s, warm breaths passing between them.

“You _did_ have something up your sleeve all night, you little shit,” Bucky hissed playfully, sniffling. Steve laughed openly as Bucky added, “I _knew_ it. I fucking knew there was something else going on.”

“What can I say?” Steve shrugged, gently nudging at Bucky’s face with his own. “You just know me too well. Can’t pull anything over on you anymore.” 

Steve took a step back as Bucky cleared his throat and wiped at his face. “If you tell anyone—especially Wilson—that you made me cry right now, I’ll kill you in your sleep.”

Steve laughed heartily and brushed a tear from Bucky’s cheek. “Whatever you say, mister tough guy.”

Bucky tried to hold back a smile as Steve gently took the ring out of the box and held it up to Bucky’s hand. “I know it’s a little big, but we weren’t sure it’d slide onto your metal finger if it was any smaller.”

“We?” Bucky asked, amused.

Steve suppressed a smile, slowly sliding the ring onto Bucky’s finger, metals clinking lightly against one another. “Tony said he could replace one of the plates on your finger so it would be flush and not bulky, but then you wouldn’t be able to take it off if you wanted—”

“Take it off?” Bucky interjected, holding his hand out at arm’s length and admiring the new addition. “Why the hell would I ever want to take it off?” He looked back to Steve. “Can we talk to Tony tomorrow? To get it put in?”

Steve stared intently into Bucky’s bright eyes. “Sure,” he answered, throat tight. “Sure we can.”

Bucky took another long moment to gaze at his finger. Dropping his arm and looking into Steve’s eyes, he quietly asked, “What changed your mind?”

“You were right,” Steve confessed, shrugging and setting the empty ring box gently on the counter. “Buck, I knew from the day we met that something was special about you and as time went on, I fell so deeply in love with you that I never pictured myself with anybody else. I still don’t. And I thought about how heartbroken I would’ve been back then if you said you didn’t want to get married after I told you how much I wanted to.” Saying it aloud suddenly welled tears in Steve’s eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered brokenly.

Bucky gave him a pained expression and gently took both of Steve’s hands in his. “Dollface,” he sighed, kissing Steve’s knuckles. “What’s happened has happened, we can’t change any of that. Let’s just start fresh, okay? From now on.”

“As fiancés?” Steve asked.

Bucky closed his eyes for a moment and hummed contentedly before mumbling, “Jesus, my dad would fucking lose it if he saw us right now.”

Steve chuckled, squeezing Bucky’s hands. “We’re doing something right then, huh?”

Bucky laughed back, all teeth and dimples. As he looked at Steve, his expression slowly turned more serious, eyes still glassy. “I love you, Steve. So much. And…thank you. For everything.”

“I love you too, Buck,” Steve replied, emotional. “More than anything else in the entire world.”

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, I felt the same way about proposal/marriage fic that steve initially feels about marriage haha. For a long time. It always felt too cheesy for me and unnecessary and sometimes forced? but like the rest of the stevebucky fics i've written this year, it's changed how i see and feel some things. In a good way. So here you are. I tried not to make it TOO cheesy, but lets be real, the warm fuzzies are the whole point of reading shit like this. 
> 
> Second, do fic writers take commissions? like is that a thing? artists obviously do for fan stuff all the time, but do writers? whether anyone else does or not, i'm curious if you lovely human reading this would be interested in that. if i set a flat rate for a certain number of words or something, would anyone actually be interested in me writing something for them? 
> 
> If there's a scene or ficlet youve always wanted to read, but can't find the right thing and don't write it yourself, maybe i can satisfy that! it'd be whatever prompt you wanted (within some reason) and i'd write it and send it directly to you instead of posting it here. thoughts? no pressure, i'm just genuinely curious if there's a market for that haha and how i would go about promoting that if there was...
> 
> As always, thank you for reading !!!! you all have no idea how happy it makes me to not only write this all, but to have people read and enjoy it <3 <3 <3


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